What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
