I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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