I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
