He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
