Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
