There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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