She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
