Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
