Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
