tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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