I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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