after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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