So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
