just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
