K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
