you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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