WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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