Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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