He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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