I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
