I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Vodka?
Forever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
