I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
