It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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