You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
