is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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