Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
