All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
