Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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