we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
