remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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