im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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