Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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