One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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