I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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