You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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