seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
