I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
