Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
