cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
