I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
