defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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