Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
