there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
