drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
