I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
