you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
