Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
