just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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