Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
