I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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