one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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