when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
