I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
